While I’d like to fill a page with glorious, triumphant stories detailing all I’ve done to help promote RSD/CRPS awareness this month, the sad truth is I’ve done very little. Instead of finally ordering those brochures from http://www.rsds.org/ and handing them out to everyone I came in contact with, my month was filled with battling pain, fatigue, depression, doctors, insurance companies and my own tendencies to hide from it all. My goal of posting a new blog entry every few days was replaced with repeat migraines and the spread of RSD into my right side and back. On FaceBook I really wanted to find more facts to list, pictures to share and reasons to fight. At the end of Worldwide RSD/CRPS Awareness Month I can honestly say I’m truly amazed with how little I accomplished. But while feeling imperfect, disabled and vulnerable a miracle happened. Instead of educating others this month, I became the student… learning about compassion, humility and community. For within the jagged barbed wire walls tethering me to this disease a group of angels emerged feeding me encouragement and hope, sharing stories of their trials and successes, holding my hand to let me know I am truly not alone. These genuine, selfless, kindhearted souls fed me life.
I’ve always been a very independent person. When I was younger I was shy and observant, but willingly took on the role of the big sister, the little mom, to my younger siblings. Having my son James at an early age simply encouraged my role as a caretaker. Loving my son James turned me into a momma bear building an impenetrable den around the two of us. My son, family, friends and even my church could always depend on me to organize an outing, move them to another state, be the designated driver, and always be available to listen if they should call. RSD has robbed me of my persona. Not only am I no longer physically able to help with simple household tasks on a routine basis, but the tables have turned making me the one in need, learning how to ask for help and how not to be ashamed in accepting it.
Thank you my wonderful James for all you do. As a 16 year-old boy/young man/teen you should be more worried about friends and activities than chores your mother should not be attempting. The dog is well taken care of, the garbage is always out and you even clean up without prompting. Your dinners are wonderful. God blessed me with allowing me to be your Mom. Ashley, Mom & Gran – although I know it has been difficult for you to watch me in so much pain, you have each managed to find time to drive me to Dr’s appointments and run errands my body would not agree to. Thank you friends, old and new, for visiting. I am so used to running to your homes when you need me that I’ve found I lack the social skills for inviting you to my own. Please visit more! Cards, letters and emails fill my heart with joy. I may not always respond in a timely fashion, but know you have my undying gratitude for even the smallest gesture. I am truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. I love you all!
I’ve always been a very independent person. When I was younger I was shy and observant, but willingly took on the role of the big sister, the little mom, to my younger siblings. Having my son James at an early age simply encouraged my role as a caretaker. Loving my son James turned me into a momma bear building an impenetrable den around the two of us. My son, family, friends and even my church could always depend on me to organize an outing, move them to another state, be the designated driver, and always be available to listen if they should call. RSD has robbed me of my persona. Not only am I no longer physically able to help with simple household tasks on a routine basis, but the tables have turned making me the one in need, learning how to ask for help and how not to be ashamed in accepting it.
Thank you my wonderful James for all you do. As a 16 year-old boy/young man/teen you should be more worried about friends and activities than chores your mother should not be attempting. The dog is well taken care of, the garbage is always out and you even clean up without prompting. Your dinners are wonderful. God blessed me with allowing me to be your Mom. Ashley, Mom & Gran – although I know it has been difficult for you to watch me in so much pain, you have each managed to find time to drive me to Dr’s appointments and run errands my body would not agree to. Thank you friends, old and new, for visiting. I am so used to running to your homes when you need me that I’ve found I lack the social skills for inviting you to my own. Please visit more! Cards, letters and emails fill my heart with joy. I may not always respond in a timely fashion, but know you have my undying gratitude for even the smallest gesture. I am truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. I love you all!
There's a bigger plan C. Hold on wait, the light will shine through. Love & gentle hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteCarey! Obtaining and handing out brochures is a huge task and screams glorious triumph for the month of May ;) With RSD it's so easy to plan bigger than we can reach sometimes because we just never know how our bodies will be from day to day. I would have loved to have done a little more during May but will just keep on plugging...anytime is a good time to raise awareness. Hope you are doing well! xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Carey for all you do to promote CRPS/RSD Awareness. From another who endures these pains on a daily basis; I do appreciate it!
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